Taking Life for Granted
Aug. 6th, 2011 05:13 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
treelifeI hear stories about people dying. A groom dying a month after his wedding, two weeks after his honeymoon. The pictures barely posted on Facebook. A father going brain dead after a simple, random fall while walking in his own home. My own short life is a testament to how fast time goes by. All this makes me want to make the most of it, to treat the ones I love with respect and gentleness.
But when I get mad it's so hard. There's this sense of self-righteousness and martyrdom. I don't care if it's the last time because dammit he was mean, unfair, cruel. Exaggerations. I want to stop this human nature crap. This ability of mine to be so ungrateful when I have so much to be happy about.
Also, I'm overweight. Yet, I can't stop eating more than I need. I get bored or just want to satisfy some kind of whim. I can't lie to myself any longer. I may be thinner than some people I know, but I can see it in the pictures. I've gained a lot of weight over the past two years. My eating habits are crap. My discipline is crap.
Yet, I can't seem to convince myself that I have a resolve and that it matters for me to say no. I can say no a couple times maybe, but I usually give in the third temptation, the third or fourth day. Sometimes I even go for a week with healthy decisions and one reasonable cheat meal before every other meal becomes a cheat meal. It makes me sick.
What do I need to do? Carry a picture of fat me and skinny me around?
These are things I think about after staying up all night on a Friday night watching True Blood. Season 3 is quite wonderful, much better than Season 2. The cliffhangers don't even bother me so much.I find so many of the characters interesting and hot. The latter is important :).
But when I get mad it's so hard. There's this sense of self-righteousness and martyrdom. I don't care if it's the last time because dammit he was mean, unfair, cruel. Exaggerations. I want to stop this human nature crap. This ability of mine to be so ungrateful when I have so much to be happy about.
Also, I'm overweight. Yet, I can't stop eating more than I need. I get bored or just want to satisfy some kind of whim. I can't lie to myself any longer. I may be thinner than some people I know, but I can see it in the pictures. I've gained a lot of weight over the past two years. My eating habits are crap. My discipline is crap.
Yet, I can't seem to convince myself that I have a resolve and that it matters for me to say no. I can say no a couple times maybe, but I usually give in the third temptation, the third or fourth day. Sometimes I even go for a week with healthy decisions and one reasonable cheat meal before every other meal becomes a cheat meal. It makes me sick.
What do I need to do? Carry a picture of fat me and skinny me around?
These are things I think about after staying up all night on a Friday night watching True Blood. Season 3 is quite wonderful, much better than Season 2. The cliffhangers don't even bother me so much.I find so many of the characters interesting and hot. The latter is important :).
